byDanielD’Addario

Somepeopleinlifearenice。

Orthey’renicetome,andthenreallyfunnywhenthey’remeantoothers。

Theycomplimentmeonmyclothes(orpullmeaside,eversogently,totellmewhenacertainitemneedstoberetiredfromrotation)。

Somepeople,otherpeople,arefamous,inthatwaypeoplearesometimes-mentiontheirnamewhenyou’retempingatanoffice,oraroundtheThanksgivingtableandyou’dgetblankstares,buteveryonethatIcareaboutimpressingknowsthem。

IdiewhenIgetacasualemailfromthem-butseeingthemaroundiseven?

better!

Butotherpeople,peopleIonceknewandloved,Ihavebeenforcedtoremovefrommylife-becausereallifemademehate?

them。

Therealworld-souncomfortably,asIhavediscovered!

-showsalltoooftenhowpeoplearesofunnyandsmartonlinebutarethentotaljerksifyouactuallytalktothem。

Ijustgocrazysometimeswiththisreal-worldrelationshipstuff!

Itwillbesomucheasierwhenpeoplejustusecomputersforeverything。

Fornow,I’mstuckwithsometimesseeingthese…。

people,butI’mcuttingthemoutasbestI?

can。

Cuttingpeopleoutofyourreallifeisn’tascleanorperfectaspressingabutton。

Iwish!

Forinstance,therewas,let’scallhim“JimPonywatch,”theguyinmybookgroupwhowasalwaysclearinghisthroatinthemostannoyingway。

ItwassouncomfortablewhenIreachedmybreakingpointandaskedhimtostopcomingtoourmeetings,especiallysincehe’dbroughttheEmmenthalerthat?

month。

Alsoitwasprettyuncomfortablewhentherestofthegroupkickedmeoutinstead-thenewDavidMitchellisprettyhardtoreadalone!

-butit’sprettythoughtfulthat“Jim”crossesthestreetwhenheseesme。

SoIdon’thavetohearthatraspycough?

anymore。

Gosh,IhatetocallhimoutinthispassiveaggressivewaybutIhavetodoitonline,becauseI’llneverseehiminperson?

again!

Youknowwhat?

Everyoneissuchanasshole!

Whyiseveryonesuchanasshole?

Itmakesthingsreallydifficult;lifetakesalotoffocusformenow。

IsignedupforaFreshDirectaccountIdidn’tneedtogetawayfromtheproduceguywhoIthinkleeredatmethat?

time。

Andmyformercollegeroommate(andformerfriend,haha!

)“Beth”justcan’tstopcallingmetotalkasI’mgettingreadytodosomethingreallyimportant,sothenIhavetodealwiththatforanhourbeforeIcanmoveforward-oratleast,IHADto,untilIdecidedtostoptakinghercalls。

Doesn’tsheunderstandIhavealifeoutsidetalkingto?

her?

Andallthosecousinswhotalkabouthowthey’renotpregnantyetbutthey’re“havingfuntrying,”orpeoplewhocheckoutbackissuesofPeoplefromthepubliclibrary,andthelastguyIsleptwith,whohadaDVDofFullMetalJacketonhisbedsidetableandaskedmeifIwantedtowatchitwithhim。

Ijusthavetokeepmyblindersup,allthetime。

Monsters,everywhere。

Thentherewasmybrother,“Spike,”who’sconstantlytalkingaboutthingsthatarejustsoboring-hiswork,hiscookingclass。

He’sinnocuousoveremailandinchatbutreally,suchajerkinreallife。

Soself-absorbed。

JustbecauseIworkfromhomedoesn’tmakemelessofaperson,youknow?

TosaynothingofthefactthathelikestheBlackEyedPeas。

IhadtostopgoingtofamilyeventssoIwouldn’thavetodealwithhisstreamofvacuousnonsense。

ButIthinkI’vefoundagoodreplacement-thisguyImetatthepostofficewhenhewasgettingTheNewCriterionoutofaP。

O。

Box。

Wehaven’ttalkedyet,butIbethehasalotofgoodstufftosay。

Ibethe’sagoodlistener,too。

DanD’Addarioisonestepaheadof?